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29 June 2017

I’m sleeping with my brother’s ex-fiancée — and the sex is so good I want to be with her for ever

 

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Dear Deidre

I’M bedding my brother’s former fiancée. The sex is out of this world but I know that he’ll hate me for it.

I’m a guy of 24 and my brother is 26. He met his fiancée at uni. She’s his age.

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I thought she would ask for my brother’s number… but it was me she wanted[/caption]

She was stunning and smart and way out of my league.

As it turned out, she was out of my brother’s league too as she dumped him for somebody else.

My brother was gutted and desperately hurt.

For five years we were not allowed to mention her name in our house.

I went to a party in May and it was a total surprise to see her there.

I thought I should try to avoid her but she came straight up to me and hugged me like I was her long-lost best friend.

She looked just as stunning as ever and we were soon chatting and getting on great.

She said she felt awful for hurting my brother like that but she had realised that things wouldn’t work out between them.

She explained that she’d met someone else and had been swept off her feet.

She came back to my place and we ended up getting all friendly in bed

She said I could tell my big brother that the new guy had left her for somebody else.

I said I was sorry it hadn’t worked out.

She asked how my brother was doing these days so I told her he was fine but that he was still single and living in town.

I thought she would ask for his number but instead she asked if we could be friends.

I had to say yes. She’s a beautiful, good-hearted girl and I knew she hated causing all that hurt.

We started to hang out as mates, then she came back to my place one night and we ended up getting all friendly in bed.

The sex was so good that I want to be with her for ever and she says the same, but I’m scared that my brother won’t ever speak to me again over it.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your brother is bound to be hurt.

This girl broke his heart and so the last thing he’d want is to see her with you.

Of course, you had no part in their break-up and they’re over, so he has no say over her relationships now, but we don’t always feel logically.

Does this feel like a fling? Will you enjoy being with her a while and then just move on?
If it does, if you’re very careful – and lucky – your brother may never know.

Or does this feel like she could be The One?

Are your feelings so strong that she means even more to you than your brother?

Do you feel that, whatever it costs, you just can’t let her go?

Take it slowly at first and, yes, do be discreet.

If it bears out the promise it shows then talk to your brother and tell him the truth.

Time heals and he may just surprise you by how he reacts.

Topic for today

AROUND three million people in the UK identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Feeling attracted to both sexes can put pressure on relationships.

My e-leaflet Bisexual Issues can help if this is an issue for you.

To get a copy, email me at problems@deardeidre.org.

Heartbroken after second split

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I thought it would last this time… then she started bringing up the past[/caption]

Dear Deidre

IT made sense to me when my partner and I decided to split at the start of last year as we were making each other unhappy.

Then we got back together again and I thought it would last.

I’m 41 and she’s 39.

I thought things were great but then she started raking things up from the past.

Before I knew what had happened we’d split up again and she’s blocked me from contacting her by any means.

I don’t understand what went wrong when I thought it was all going well.

And I don’t understand how to get over her now when I miss her so much.

I only want to be with her.

DEIDRE SAYS: It looks like she realised the reasons you broke up had not gone away.

Better to find this out sooner than later, but you need to develop more insight into what ended this relationship so history does not keep repeating itself.

My e-leaflet Mend Your Broken Heart will help.

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Contraception has killed my libido

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My husband doesn’t understand why I’m never in the mood for sex[/caption]

Dear Deidre

MY husband and I used to have a fabulous sex life but now my libido is gone.

We’ve been together eight years and have a daughter aged five.

I’m 25 and he’s 24.

I’ve been given a contraceptive implant as well as the Pill to help regulate my periods.

So I’m on two different forms of contraception and the result is my sex drive is gone.

I love my husband like mad but when he tries to embrace me now I push him away and I’m not sure he understands why I’m never in the mood.

Please help as this is causing a problem between us.

DEIDRE SAYS: Keep on saying you love him and find ways to make him feel it.

You can do that without sex.

My e-leaflet How to Thrill a Man in Bed will give you ideas.

But tell your doctor that the combination of contraception has destroyed your sex drive.

There will be other options to try.

You can find information too at fpa.org.uk.

My dad’s not who I thought he was

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I’ve found out my whole life was a lie[/caption]

Dear Deidre

I’VE found out my dad has been lying to me all my life – even about being my dad.

I’m a girl of 23 and I’m due to get married next month.

I guess it all started with pre-wedding nerves.

I was being a princess and saying that I wanted this and I didn’t want that.

I told Dad that I hoped he wouldn’t get drunk at the wedding.

Well, that made him flip.

He blurted out that he isn’t my dad, he is my grandad.

My real mum is the woman I thought was my big sister.

She got pregnant at 16 and then her parents brought me up as their own.

It turns out my “dad” also has another daughter who is desperate to meet me.

I can’t cope with all these secrets and lies and I don’t want to see him again.

DEIDRE SAYS: I get how you feel.

Your life, up until now, has been based on lies.

It may be hard to forgive, but your family surely meant for the best.

Now the secrets are out, be glad you now know the truth.

You have a sister who wants to know you, so it isn’t too late.

Enjoy your wedding day then start living the rest of your life knowing just who you are.

He likes porn so I lust for work guy

Dear Deidre

LAST week a gorgeous guy at work gave me champagne and chocs for my birthday.

Everyone says he fancies me and we’re always flirting.

I live with my boyfriend and we’ve been together two years and I love him to bits, but I can’t stop thinking about my colleague.

I don’t think my boyfriend is attracted to me anymore.

I’m 22 and he’s 23 so we’re only young, but we haven’t had sex for three weeks now.

He says it’s no big deal and it doesn’t matter – but it does to me.

When we have sex, I know he’s attracted to me but he masturbates to porn stars and I look nothing like them.

I’m overweight so this has really hit my confidence.

I think that’s why I end up counting the hours until I see the guy at work again.

DEIDRE SAYS: This isn’t about your attractiveness but the deadening effect of porn on a guy’s appetite for real sex with a real partner.

Tell him he risks finding he can only respond to porn, and needs to go cold turkey to give his natural sexual appetite a chance.

Avoid the work guy and give your boyfriend time.

My Internet Pornography Worry e-leaflet will help.

 


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